where’s that easy button?

Every once and awhile the possible complications of this impending surgery, those ugly things that one tries their best not to focus on, rear their ugly heads with such ferocity and I find myself getting overwhelmed by the thought of losing Sophia. Like tonight while I was trying to decide what music to put in the slideshow for Sophia’s 1/2 year birthday party. Deb started crying when I played Somewhere Over The Rainbow which of course got me started and I realized how much the stress of all of this has been building up for both of us and how utterly tiring it is to constantly pretend you are strong and together. Ever since getting the call on Friday afternoon the stress that we have managed to dam up over the past several months has just begun gushing out. All the attempts we have made since leaving the hospital to convince ourselves that there is nothing wrong with Sophia have suddenly fallen by the wayside and I have this constant panicky feeling that I can’t be around Sophia enough, I can’t look at her enough, I can’t hold her enough and I realized how little all the frustrations of this life really matter. No matter what happens Sophia has taught me so much about love and what really matters in life and I will be ever grateful for this time that I have been able to spend with her.

But… this is a common enough procedure and I am just overreacting, overly worried and overly exhausted and Deb left me unsupervised at the keyboard, so don’t fear, I will most likely be back to my jaded self by the morning. The Great Spaghetti Monster willing! šŸ™‚


  1. You guys appear so strong all the time, it is somehow heartening to know that you have “those days” when you realize the enormity of what is happening. Although it is very serious surgery, it looks like you have an excellent surgeon and Sophia may well take it all in her usual stride. The spirit of family is a beautiful thing as are Sophia and her papa and mama! May God bless your little girl.

  2. Stephanie Garza says:

    I work in the office next to your mom here in San Antonio. Jackie always keeps me abreast of Sophia and her conditions. I want you two to know that I have a mass being said in Sophia’s name and she will be in my daily prayers. God Bless.

  3. love you~ wish I could take all the worry away, but I can only say I am here for you if you need me. you have been on my mind lately, now I know why. (((hug)))